iRRiTaTinG RasHes.......

Most of my friends and i are having rashes and it suckz....................Just imagine scratching yourself all over in public.ArgHHHH!!!!!Neway i guess it has something to do with the chemical sprayed in school.Hope this stupid rash will disappear soon coz i dun wanna sit for exams and then start scratching myself while writing.Haha.That would be simply hilarious and IRRITATING! Din go to school y'dae coz of i was having rashes and fever. Pei chi scared me by saying that i might be having dengue fever.LOL.Neway school today was as usual.Came to school late after having breakfast with Dx at Macdonald's. : ) Did kinda well for Othello essay and context question. Miss Nathan was very pleased but she complained about taking a long time to mark my very long essay.Hehe.Haiz, have to go and do "The Guide" context question...have to revise for Mid-course later too.I can't procastinate anymore.And i won't procastinate anymore.Or at least try not too. haha.Gotta go...Tata

Tired.Letting go of the past.

Have had a tiring day.At last History mock exam is over.Now,its just waiting for the results that suck.I dun expect to pass, but im really down that my results are gonna be disappointing for Bry coz he has been cheering me on.Im sorry Bry.I tried.Really tried. Having rashes right now and it seems that alot of my schoolmates got sent home today coz they had rashes.Hmm, maybe i won't go to sch 2m0row ya...Neway school was boring as usual. After econs tutorial, i was "FORCED" to eat at Burger King with Numz,Azim and Shradha.ArGHHH, i wanted to eat at LJS but some idiot just had to force me to eat at BK.Haha.Just came home.Gonna sleep.

Sometimes its hard to let go...
But yet, sometimes its also hard to hold on
The past serves as a reminder
While the present keeps us in touch with reality
Whereas the future is something of the unknown
The future only comes
When we let go of the pain of the past...

WiTh LoVe...............

MeMoRieS

All it took was some photos to make me cry. Memories are a thing of the past but yet they have the power to make some1 shed tears. All i had to do was to see the photos before i started crying. Bry, u always said i was your strong gal.The strongest you have ever seen. But,by now u would have realised that i am not your strong gal and never was.It was 2 years.2 years of my life.2 years worth of memories.2 years full of ups and downs.2 years full of tears and laughter.2 years full of hopes and dreams.2 years full of life. I have to be strong.I promised to be strong.I can't let myself down.I can't stop.I have to go on.I have to do what i need to do.I have to throw it all away.I have to move on.Memories.Memories.Memories.Its time for a change.But i can't move.I can't throw.I can't forget.Thats me.For the sake of all my loved ones,for the sake of my dreams, my hopes and my goals, i will move on.I will be the strong gal Bry said i was.Memories will always stay unless i lose my memory.No matter what, i will be strong.The strongest Bry said i will ever be. Thanx Bry, for listening and being there no matter how busy you were. I needed to talk to sum1, n Kapil was msging me on Msn. Told him my current mood n he tried his best to cheer me up.Thanx alot. I will keep my word and be strong.I will move on.I will do all i can to forget.God bless.

LazY!!!

I have been lazy.Really lazy. But i can't really blame myself can i? Neway im way behind my revision plans because of the funeral and prayers that i had to attend. Now, i have lots of stuff on my hands. My mind has been planning but my hands aren't working. I don't have the time to do what i want to do or what i am supposed to do. Time is precious and the seconds are flying faster than a blink of the eye. I have caught this disease-procastination. There is no other cure than me, myself and i. I have to stop thinking that there will always be another 2morow.I have to stop being negative. I have to stop the memories from flooding my thoughts. Due to the funeral, prayers and stuff, i haven really studied for History mock exam which is like 2m0r0w.M goiung nuts.Hmm, Bryan might be taking me for a spin later and im gonna make him buy me ice-cream. : )
He is my everything...one of the very few in this world that i trust. I love you bryan. Buy me ice-cream later kk?

Hmm,something to ponder about...

One of my grandfather passed away y'dae and if ya thinking why i said "one of..." instead of simply "my grandfather", i have to point out the fact that my family is BIG and i have lotsa grandfathers and grandmothers. The issue of Death is very sensitive and his death has set me thinking.Thinking real hard.

Many would see death as an end.An end to everything. But i feel that death is the beginning of another life somewhere else. Nothing and no-one lasts forever. Death is another journey or rather another path that everyone must take. No options given.Thats life. Everyday,every minute and every second, some1 is dying. Even now as i type, death is occurring within me in the form of cells which die and are being replaced by new cells. Death. Many fear it.Well, to a certain extent i do too. Sometimes the thought of death jumps on me unexpectedly and i feel as if i have no control about the wild scary thoughts that runs through my head. Death either brings people closer or it drives them apart. Just checked out this page www.deathclock.com and its scary after seeing how many seconds you have left in this world. Death is basically an idea that has no reality. We can never know the experience of dying. It always eludes us. It always sits behind our awareness, thus being real only in the death of others. Personally, i feel that people are more obsessed with the thoughts of death instead of living life to the fullest. What is it about death that sets people thinking? It is once again the curious mind i suppose. Some people regard death as Public Enemy No. 1 while some people are simply waiting to die coz of the sufferings that they are going through. I believe, death is not for us to decide. When it comes, it has to come. There is a time for everything.

Sometimes i wonder why some people even bother living, because they simply seem to live for others. What's the point of pretending to be someone you are not??? Isn't that lying to yourself??? People always say that they hate liars,but then should they hate themselves for lying to themselves? I believe in living for myself. People should just except you for the way you are. If you cannot accept me for the way i am, then thats just too bad for you coz im BOTHERED about living for myself and not for any1 else for that matter of fact.This is my life n its about me,not you! Never live the life you have for others. Live it like how YOU want it to be. Then i'll truly say that you are living life. If u live for others, you are not living life but simply you are an ACTOR in your own life. Sometimes in life, one gets confused by all de sudden twists and turns,but hey, thats normal. Confusion is part and parcel of life. Without confusion, there is definitely no kick in living life right? Be what you want to be,not what others expect you to be. I am living life the way i want to and this is just ME!!! Either you live with it or you can leave quietly. Sometimes i have a hard time understanding myself and there are times when i get deep in thoughts about myself that i forget about everything.I may not understand myself perfectly but i can safely say that i know myself well. I am what i am and that is all that i am. Accept me for who i am or leave me alone.Coz its my life and i'll live it the way i want to.

LoTsA LoVe...

I realise that everyone lies at some point of time or another. U lie, i lie and everyone lies. Thats life. No one is perfect. Sometimes people lie to escape & sometimes they simply lie for their friends. This shouldn't be something to be proud of but here come the obvious truth---> I have lied before. I mean, who hasn't lied before right? Day in day out, people lie. No one is allowed to judge another person because none of us are perfect. To look at it in a wider perspective, the world is full of liars. Some people lie for the benefit of others while some people simply lie to escape from something that they have done. I remember there was this time not too long ago when i was in sec sch, my teacher punished my classmates and me for skipping remedial classes and lying to her that we were at the library studying, when in actual fact, we were at swensens indulging in ice-creams of all kind. See, i told ya that i am not perfect. Right now as i mature, i tell myself that no matter what happens, i have to speak the truth and have the honesty to answer for my actions whatever they may be. Lies i realise, get bigger and bigger as one lies and lies to cover up the lies told before. Why not save the trouble by simply speaking the truth right? sometimes reality may seem scary and its hard to speak the truth, but one must always have the responsibilty for answering one's actions. To some people, lying is a hobby. They lie and lie to the extent that they find it tough to differentiate between the lies they told and reality.I cannot lie by saying that i will never lie again, but i can always try not to lie. Lies do not help the situation or rather it just makes things worse. So why bother lying? Once again i want to re-emphasise on the fact that as human beings, we are all not perfect. There is a certain flaw in each and everyone of us. Flaws which only others can see and flaws which we should learn to recgonise and thus change for the better.

i Love u babe...Memories keep me going...

Death is a very sensitive issue to many. People are dying every min, every sec and even as i type this, someone is out there fighting for their life. Life is very unpredictable i realise. Death is not an easy issue to deal with and many people find it hard to overcome the loss of their loved ones. Sad to say, i am one of them. This year marks the third year since she died. Her death affected me and is still affecting me each time i close my eyes. Friends till the end was what she said. But she left this world without achieving the dreams that she had always been talking about. She dreamt of having a family. A family with a wondeful husband and the most adorable kids one can ever have. If only she had thought about the people that she was leaving behind. If only i was there to stop her. If only the world was kinder to her. If only!If only!If only! So many If only's are running through my mind as i type this out. If only i had a chance to talk to her. I would have stopped her from doing what she did. If only...she didn't die, i would have another wonderful friend to share my upz n downz with. I miss her badly. I really do. Sometimes i feel that God is reall unfair. She was only 17 when she died. Maybe its fate. Maybe its just supposed to be like that. People come, people go. Thats life i suppose. Everyone stays long enough to make an impact or rather to leave a footprint in someone's life. Well, she left a hole in my heart. A heart that's never the same since she left. She was the one who taught me that friendship is all about giving and not expecting anything in return. She taught me to love myself. She taught me that even the simplest things in life can bring one the greatest pleasures on earth. Right from the beginning of our frienship to till the day she died, she was always teaching me something. Even through her death i learnt something---> that life is not ours to take away no matter how down we are. i love you babe. i always will. U r the meaning to frienship in my dictionary. It is definitely to late to let you know that i have always loved u. But i know that somewhere, somehow, u know that we will always be best friends. Everytime i close my eyes, i see us walking home after school. The memories keep me going. Through the memories, i am living this life, making my existence known on this planet called Earth. I have never gotten over your death and i never will i guess. Thats me. And i want it to remain that way. Many have forgotten but never will i. You remain in my heart,now and forever. Friends Forever.

Finally i am updating my blog. ( : well things have been hectic for the past few days. i feel that im drifting in and out of a world thats changing so fast. School's getting more stressful. Exams r round de corner. Haven been studying productively. But i will n i can make it. i won't give up. Not yet anyway. Certain incidents have shown me the truth about the world that i am living in. a world thats changing fast. a world where people lie. a world where time never stops. the list goes on and on.
Neway econs diagnostic test suck....or rather i suck coz i did not prepare or rather study way ahead for the test. So sadly, the fault lies with me and not the test. 1 week of September holidays was simply like a breeze. Felt it for a sec n voila it was back to sch again. Been pretty stressed due lotsa reasons which Jezz n XW would noe.The pile of homewerk has been growing. Growing bigger and bigger by de day. i keep procastinating.
On thurs, shradha n i stayed back to start on our presentation for "The Handmaid's Tale". Unfortunately, due to some reasons, we got nothing done. Things were cold for a moment. But it was back to normal again. After that, went to Raffles City to collect shradha's b'dae pressie and also to simply relax by walking ard. i needed space. space for myself. space to think. space to feel. On my way home, got 2 cakes ( 1 for shradha n 1 for Mr Yeo). Hope they liked it.
Friday the 16 of September 2005, Shradha turned 18. Finally : ) Scho0L was kinda boring for us coz our minds were on the fun that we were going to have after school. Right after the extra history lesson, Shradha, Azim, Ashwin n i left for Seoul Garden at CWP. It was happening. We were having fun. Cooking for one another n peeling prawns for one another. Sweet rite??? : ) Azim n i bought another 2 cakes...it was heaven. Bluebri cheesecake n chocolate mousse. Yum Yum. The four of us started cooking n we made a mess. A real mess. i even spilled coke all over the floor coz of de 3 of them. But i simply love the time we spent together. As frends, we have made memories. Memories which would cause us to laugh even after 20 years. Ashwin n i created our own special drink which consisted of coke and wasabi. U wanna noe the taste...ask azim or shradha. But try this drink at ur own risk. Fried watermelon n jelly. Yuckz. All thanx to ashwin's "wunderful" ideas n "superb" cooking skills. Haha. Shradha's Ice kachang sucked. Haha. Im sorry babe but thats de truth. Maybe coz there was not enuff syrup added. But well i also noe the fact that shradha n azim added ketchup to the ice kacang wen ashwin n i went away to get more food. Those people r mean rite??? but haha, they drank our wasabi with coke, which was even worse. : ) sorry guys.................but ashwin n i decided to make Shradha's b'dae memorable by giving u guys our special "rootbeer" float. Haha. Ashwin's creations. Never had such fun in sucha a long time. no words can describe the fun we had y'dae. Rite now, i have a sudden craving for seoul garden. After seoul garden, we left to take neo-prints. WE had sucha crazy time taking neo-prints n all that smiling made me tired. But still, it was fun! All the pics rock esp the ones with e props. The pics will be up s0on n have a ball of time laughing ur intestines out ppl. After all that foto-taking...we left cwp for home. It was 9pluz. But e time spent was worth-while. Stonger bonds of frendship was forged among all of us. though the day ended b4 we knew it, memories will be there to stay till de die we die. Came home n yakked on de fone for awhile b4 sleeping.
Before i know it,its sat morning n now its sat nite. haha. i spent the whole day sleeping. Sleeping is my new hobby. Now i feel like im toking like Ruthra. Didn't realise that sleeping is a great way to spend time n re-energise. Woah......now i feel great.realli GREAT! After blogging,i shall go sleep summore n then try to wake up to study. Doubt that its possible anyway. Once i sleep, its so hard to get up. It seems that Shradha's aunt passed away. She's feeling kinda down n i hope that she cheerz up soon. i noe how it feels to lose sum1 who's close to ur heart. i have lost her n my grandmother. Both deaths affected me n i simply couldn't function. The thought of giving up on life was always on my mind utill the day my frend gave me a "speech" on the importance of life. Life is precious. So treasure it people. Love all those ard u. Including the people who hate u. No one is perfect n neither r they. God is so great to have created each n everyone of us. But he is also great to take away the very people we hold close to our heartz. That is because, he simply wants us to realise that life is not for eternity n that no one lives forever. So, simply, treasure what u have. Treasure everything...every single second. i treasure the people ard me. i treasure u n i treasure myself.

Last MiN...........

This is gonna be a realli short entry coz i have an Econs Test t0m0r0w for which i haven realli studied. Well well, i seriously hope that last min studying werks...though i have learnt before that it doesn't. Asking for tooo much rite??? Haha... gotta go n try to cram some stuff into my head.

Wad a daY...

After i reached sch0oL, shradha,DX n i made our way to LT 5 where de werkshop was to be held. Before i sat down, i saw * n told * that CT wants to see us. She gave me attitude by saying wadever lah. i mean i have tried. seriously tried. its not easy being a leader n i have really thought it through. i dun care how im gonna do it...but im gonna quite being de leader... Neway dun wanna think abt * n spoil my bright morning. Neway after de Lit Werkshop at LT 5, we had a short break after which we watched performances put up by other classes n my class. Guess waT....... my Class won de Prize for de BesT Drama... : ) After the performance, all of us left for LittLe India for de amazing race. My group completed it fast but due to some reasons we ended up in komala Villa's Fast f0od restaurant later den expected... Neway its all in the name of learning and fun. After de amazing race at little india... shradha,merissa,pei chi n eshwinder ended up in PS (swensens). Pei Chi n i shared de apple crumble. It was so nice n smooth n in short it was HEAVEN. Merissa n shradha shared de banana crumble n it was also like heaven while Eshwinder ate some kinda ice-cream with bananas on it. But it was definitely not banana split. The 5 of us had a long talk in swensens about our ideal marriage pardners n what do we look for in our pardners. We simply kept yakking away n asking each other questions on what would we do...if our pardner is not rich...not handsome...has no sense of humour n all kinda questions. Haha...i was laughing wen Pei Chi admitted that she believed in Love at First sight... haha...she looks so innocent n haha....................even innocent people do have secrets to hide i suppose. U Go GurL!!! after yakking n yakking at Swensens, the 5 of us finally left the place. Finally. i bet the staff must have happy to see suchcha noisy bunch leave at last. Haha. After leaving swensens, every1 left for home.....................Took de train home n met my mum at de NTUC. Came home after that, watched my 9pm chinese drama,ate my dinner, toked to Ramesh n den i went to sleep.